New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize