so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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