She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize