Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
