I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
