Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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