I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
