his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
