Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
