Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
