remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
