do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
only you would photoshop your dick
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
