the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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