Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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