so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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