i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
