it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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