I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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