your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
