There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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