You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize