Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
