i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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