So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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