"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
