Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
