I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
