Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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