Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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