Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
