Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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