I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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