suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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