There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
