I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
