you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
