I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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