I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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