She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
