Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
