Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
