I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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