arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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