he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
