there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
