In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
