You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
