I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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