found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
