Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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