I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
