Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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