Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize