Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
