Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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