dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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