I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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