She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
