Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
