Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
