So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
