Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
