Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
