if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
