Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
