I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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