You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
