I could make wine with my vomit
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
