oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
