I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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