I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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