First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
