yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
