we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
